Nonviolent Communication
Nonviolent Communication
“Don't be nice, be real!”
- Kelly Bryson
Nonviolent Communication
The term “Nonviolent Communication” (NVC) can be somewhat misleading, as even its founder Marshall Rosenberg acknowledged. It’s not about being “nice” or “sweet.”
For the invitation is to show yourself honestly with what is inside you. Or to empathetically accompany your counterpart with what is in him or her.
Therefore I prefer the term
empathic or empathizing authentic communication
The gift of this way of interacting is that we learn and practice to accept each person in his or her essence of being human.
No matter whether we share his*her opinion or attitude, or appreciate his*her behavior.
In the world beyond ''right/wrong'' or ''good/evil'' peace is hidden.
Here we are in touch with all our humanness and our nourishing aliveness of being human. It can be practiced in all cultures.
“Never judge someone until you have
walked a thousand steps in their shoes.”
- Emo Philips
How can connecting, empathic and authentic communication thrive?
• By separating "we" into a "me" and "you":
By practicing to claim self-responsibility for my experience and letting you have your responsibility for your experience, and likewise letting you have the right to have an experience of your own.
Specific:
Speak of yourself and not of the other.
Thus: I-form instead of you-form.
• Show yourself with your feelings and needs, and free yourself from the world of (acquired) judgments.
I cannot argue with you about what you feel, because that is your very own inner experienced truth. Just as also my feelings are my own experienced truth.
About what you think, what values/judgements you have, I can argue with you until the end of all days, which one of us would be “right”….
• Well, then how can we come together on that?
All people share the same range of feelings, and likewise the same needs.
Feelings such as joy, fear, anger, sadness, and more, or needs such as food, air, water, contact, protection, relaxation, and to name a few.
At different moments, different feelings and needs emerge.
What distinguishes us are the attempted solutions, the so-called strategies, how we believe we can fulfill our needs in the best possible way:
Someone relaxes with classical music, someone else can do this best with techno music.
• In openly listening to where the other is and openly sharing where I am, empathy and connection can emerge.
In the resulting space of mutual perception and acceptance, as well as in letting go of hasty solution strategies, new ways are often magically found that best meet the needs of both parties simultaneously.
“What is alive in you?
How can I support you so that your life feels even richer?”
- Marshall Rosenberg
In the worldview of NVC, it is assumed that human beings are fundamentally designed to cooperate. Yes, that it enriches us internally when we contribute to success.
(How could an infant or a small child survive without cooperation?)
Two questions are the foundation for this:
- What is alive in you (or me)?
- How can I support you (or myself), bring you (me) forward in your (my) quality of life, so that your (my) life feels even richer?
What’s so special about NVC:
You can practice nonviolent communication in every encounter, with every person. Your counterpart does not need to know it himself.
Because the ability to meet a person with appreciation for his essence, with what is alive in him, you can apply regardless of the behavior of your counterpart.
My own life, my relationships, both with myself and with others has been fundamentally transformed since I started to work intensively with NVC.
More joy, peace and liveliness has it brought into my life.
Do you want this for yourself as well?
Let yourself be surprised what gifts and enrichment NVC has in store for you.
It is my great pleasure to share them with you.
Would you like me to come and offer a workshop at your place? Then please feel free to get in touch with me.
“Do you want to be Right or to be Happy?
You can't have both together.”
- Marshall Rosenberg
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